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You probably never meant for this to happen.
It's not as if you went looking for a lover.
However, once you fell in love with a person other than your spouse, things got rather intense. You’re already in what some refer to as an emotional affair. Perhaps you’ve gone further and the relationship has turned physical.
Maybe you describe this new relationship similar to the way others I’ve worked with:
- “I’ve never been loved like this.”
- “No one understands me as well as he/she does.”
- “This is the person I was meant to be with.”
- “I can’t explain how this feels because I don’t think anyone else can understand it. It’s intense. Amazing. Wonderful.”
Most likely your desire is not to hurt the person you’re married to, but rather to live in this new level of love that you never knew existed. You don’t mean to harm family, friends, coworkers, church buddies, or anyone else. Your desire is to have, not to hurt. (There may be an exception to that if you feel that your spouse has been unkind or hurtful. If so, that degree of negativity toward your spouse probably increased its intensity after your affair began.)